step by step addiction

Chapter 334 The Past

Ji Yunsu paused for a moment.

No one has ever asked her about her childhood so seriously, and she has never mentioned her childhood to anyone.

In her opinion, all the bad things she has experienced, once said, will only become other people's appetizers, no matter how good a friend is, the same is true.

So she didn't want to mention it, she didn't want to open her mouth to anyone, and she didn't want to let her experience become a spiritual comfort for others when they were bored or frustrated.

However, at this moment, it was only for a moment, she would habitually resist, but when she saw the eyes staring at her, she suddenly wanted to speak.

He also talked a lot about him, the good and the bad, and even the things that made her feel so distressed that she wanted to cry several times.

He opened his heart and told her those hard words, she couldn't hide it anymore, it was like a fair conversation.

"I... Our family was very poor when I was a child. We were so poor that we couldn't wear socks or gloves in winter. We only had a pair of camouflage rubber shoes worth six yuan. I remember when I was in the fourth grade, my hands were so cold that I took the final exam. I couldn’t even hold it, and I was so anxious that I cried for fear of failing the exam.”

Ji Yunsu stopped, thinking about childhood things in her mind, there are many, people's memories of childhood are always very clear, but she didn't know what to say for a while.

"What happened next? Did you fail the exam?" Zhuang Yan asked her.

Ji Yunsu shook his head slightly, "I don't remember, I just remember that I couldn't hold the pen, couldn't even write, and I happened to be sitting by the window, it was very cold, and my hands were swollen like steamed buns."

The problem of cold hands didn't get better until she went to the city to go to high school. After that, she would buy gloves every year to protect her hands tightly, and never got cold again.

More and more memories floated in Ji Yunsu's mind, and he suddenly smiled, "When I was in elementary school, it was very different from now, I'm afraid you won't believe me if I tell you."

Zhuang Yan locked her eyes, waiting for her next words.

Ji Yunsu hesitated for a while, but still smiled and said, "When I was in elementary school, I was the king of the class, and the boys couldn't beat me. In the fifth grade, I was called by the teacher to talk to the office because of fighting."

She smiled and asked with narrowed eyes: "Isn't it incredible? When I was young, I was not obedient at all. I was the kind of rebellious boy who was so anxious that even my mother would beat me. I don't remember what grade it was. How did my mother provoke me? I was Just pour a basin of wash water on her..."

Ji Yunsu bit his lip, buried half of his face in the pillow, and remained silent.

The corners of Zhuang Yan's lips twitched, "When I was six years old, I found my father's residence, sneaked in, and cut off one sleeve and one trouser leg from his clothes."

Ji Yunsu raised his face, smiling in surprise, "Have you been discovered?"

"I don't know, anyway, he didn't settle accounts with me."

Looking at his calm face, Ji Yunsu couldn't help laughing out loud, for such a calm person, there were times when he was so rebellious.

Just laughing and laughing, and feeling sad, no matter he or she, in childhood, when the nature has not faded, maybe they can only express their dissatisfaction with the surrounding environment in these ways.

And the reason why he grew up and changed was because he recognized the reality and knew how to protect himself in a more mature way.

Maybe it was because the lighting was too good, or the night was too quiet, Ji Yunsu started talking.

"I remember the first time a loan shark came to ask for money, I smashed my piggy bank, which was actually a glass bottle, and I filled half of it with 11 cents, totaling [-] yuan.

At that time, I really wanted to buy a single-player player, and it cost 30 yuan. I had no pocket money, so I went to the small shop and bought a whole bag of kelp shreds. Selling it in the dormitory, you can earn 35 cents per bag. "

She smiled and looked at the person opposite, "I was in the fifth grade at that time, because a classmate in the class took a player. I liked it very much. I asked the boss who sold stationery. They sold it, but there was only one left. I begged the boss. Keep that player for me, and say I'll buy it if I have the money."

She sighed softly, looking at the ceiling as a pity, "But until now I haven't bought that player, and even when I went to junior high school, I didn't dare to pass by that stationery store, because I was afraid that the boss would recognize me, and I would Sworn promises, but the result is still broken."

She turned to look at Zhuang Yan and smiled, "That mentality is still there until now. Before my mother got sick, I would go back to my hometown every once in a while. From elementary school to university, their family has been doing stationery business in the town. , but when I was in college, I still didn’t dare to pass by their store. I felt guilty, even though I knew they would not remember me, but I was still guilty.”

"Ji Pingchang would go out for half a month every time. When he ran out of money, he would come back to rob or steal. He was so strong that my mother couldn't beat him. Every time he could only watch him turn the house upside down and my mother Selling peanuts, peppers, and corn, all the hard-earned money is taken away. If you take it away, you will still be beaten, scolded, and smashed. I have thought about poisoning him more than once, but the smell of pesticides is strong. He doesn't come home for dinner either."

Ji Yunsu let out a heavy breath, "Ji Yan planted Ji Pingchang, father and son are not good things, but my mother loves the child and is always very tolerant of Ji Yan, so I was very angry with her when I was a child, that kind of idiot, don't worry about it , why send him to school, anyway, he is the last one every time, a waste of money.

But also because of this, he was beaten by me a lot, the worst one was when I knocked out his front teeth with a punch, and he cried for a long time. "

She talked more and more, as if she wanted to vent out all the grievances accumulated in her childhood. She couldn't stop talking until she was dry, but her heart was never so happy.

She has never mentioned these words to anyone, and has been holding them back in her heart, like a cancer growing with her. Although she has been able to remain indifferent on the surface, the cancer in her heart still emits toxicity at any time, poisoning everyone. her heart.

But at this moment, she felt the joy of pulling out the poison, as if the tight cork was pulled out suddenly, and all the dirt inside poured out, was swept clean, and became lighter.

She suddenly felt that keeping everything in her heart was a form of self-protection, but it might also be a form of self-torture. Human beings live in groups, so there must be reasons for living in groups. Perhaps, this is the reason for living in groups.

No one can truly be alone. If there is, it requires a very high spiritual realm to bear all the sufferings of life alone.

Ji Yunsu took a deep breath, she seemed to understand why so many people like to talk.

It was a burden before I said it, but after I said it, the weight seemed to be shared, and I really felt relaxed. Even though the problem was still there, I was no longer alone.